Gretel’s Witness Statement

(Note: this post is related to a Fairytale Trial for my Mock Trial team.)

All right, I know that my brother Hansel has already complained about our stepmom. Let me just stay, whatever he told you, he’s probably too nice to her. I think he’s always had a crush on her, poor thing. But let me tell you, she was cruel to us from day one. It’s telling that while the rest of us lost so much weight we looked like skeletons, she’s still “pleasantly plump.”

And Daddy? Yeah, well, the night in question wasn’t the first time he “accidentally” left us in the woods. The last time, I was smart, and I had a pocket full of white pebbles to drop to mark our path home. Boy, was he steamed when he saw us back in bed that next morning! But this time, he surprised us.

Daddy had been gone all day, and the step monster was boiling water, to make it look like she was cooking. Keeping up with the neighbors, you know? And thanks so much, “mom,” for wasting the wood Hansel and I have had to collect in the woods, ever since Daddy lost his job in the lumberyard.

So Daddy and the step monster demanded that we go into the woods, at night, to find truffles. Daddy claimed he knew a spot that would be great to hunt, and we set out.  Hansel was so stupid–he lost our bread, our only meal for the day.

After Daddy ditched us, we had to look out for ourselves, you know? When I saw that delicious looking house, just sitting there, looking empty, I knew what to do. Nobody’d miss a little off the top, I figured. And me and Hansel were starving, to boot.

Anyway, that nasty old woman came barreling out of her house, shouting “Nibble nibble little mouse, who’s been nibbling at my house?” Then she grabbed Hansel by the arm and dragged him into a cage.

Me? Well, she told me that I’d be a “house maid” to pay for our crimes. Meanwhile, she kept Hansel locked up.

I don’t know how many times Hansel asked to be let free, just to walk around the yard or something. But no, she kept feeding him that unhealthy food. I think Hansel must have gained fifty pounds or more.  In fact, now he’s a diabetic, since he ate so many sweets.

Did I push that old witch into her own oven? You bet. It was self defense, I tell you. I saw her cookbook, To Serve Man, and I knew what it meant.  I’m just sorry I didn’t succeed.

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